Yeah, I’m plenty fun.

I’ve been working towards lightness, these past few years.
Frivolity. Risk taking. Caring less. Play.

And what I’ve learned is

I’m not fun.

I’m absolutely crazily incurably unFun.

For instance…

I so very desperately want to Zentangle. To spin ink into those wonderfully relaxing and beautiful patterning meditations.

I’ve been hoping for over a year.

And here’s what I’ve actually done (between March 23, 2013 to today, May 1, 2014):

That’s not even the pathetic part.

Not applying myself is ok. Not excelling is ok too.

But I can barely breath just looking at the patterns.
My chest seizes up.

And the whole time I’m attempting this blissful pen and paper release I’m tense, jittery and pestering myself with disgust and self doubt.


Also, why do I always have that cut on the bridge of my nose?

Michael: Why would I take him fishing?

George:Fun. Guy fun. Let’s get him on our side.

Michael: No. I’m not taking him fishing.

George: Oh, that’s right, yeah, you hated fishing.

Michael: No, I didn’t.

George: No, I’ll get G.O.B. Yeah, he liked it, and…

Michael: Hang on a second.

George: …he’s the one who’s fun.

Michael: I like fishing. Where are you going? I’m fun; it’s just the way to fix this Ira thing, okay, is not to buy him off, all right? It’s to find out where the money went.

George: You’re no fun.

Michael: Yeah, I’m plenty fun.
Arrested Development, The Best Man for the GOB, April 4, 2004.